it’s a launch (chock-full of vulnerability!)
When I gave up drinking in 2016, my life had gotten pretty small. My passion and art had dwindled, and while I had many friends and a supportive family, I felt alone and stagnant. I knew deep in my bones that alcohol was dimming my light - that if I could just give up this one thing, everything else would fall into place. Simple, right? Well, it was, and it wasn't. It turns out the girl I'd been abandoning for years had some struggles and trauma that she'd been numbing out, and in time, through healing, love, and listening; she started talking.
Once I removed the alcohol, I began to rediscover myself. Those evenings I'd filled with wine were tough to get through at first. So, that first year I went to yoga, taught myself to knit and quilt. Ruby also joined our family around this time; she's taught me much about being in the world with a beginner's mind, and sometimes I just need to go for a walk and get some fresh air. In the following years, I added other things to my patchwork of recovery: painting classes, yoga teacher training, meditation, art journaling, and hiking. Discovering the things and behaviors that light me up has been the true joy of recovery.
Personally, my relationships became more manageable. Not perfect, but more honest and authentic. I began (slowly!) to speak my feelings and not just say and do the things I thought would be "right." Here's where the not-so-simple stuff comes in. To really recover, I had to my perfectionism head-on. Realizing that in my effort to appear like I had all my shit together, I'd forgotten the thrill of trying something new and the lessons learned in unexpected results. The fear of messing up was keeping me stuck and small. I began to see the other coping mechanisms to try and control myself and others that were no longer serving me. Facing my perfectionism allowed me to release fears and limitations, and in turn, my career and business flourished. I'm also learning that there will always be more growth to uncover. And that is totally ok.
“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
In late 2019, I met Rita Ricks - a fantastic spiritual coach. I was drawn to her spirit, light, and positive energy and signed up for a year-long coaching package for 2020. In our first few months of working together, she worked with me to slow down and listen to the silence. I had been filling up my time with so much that I was having a hard time saying "no" and repeatedly found myself feeling like a hamster on a wheel. We worked with my belief that I had to hustle for my worthiness. What I needed to do was stop rushing and start listening. As Rita often reminded me, "you are a human being. Not a human doing." Working with a coach helped me realize the benefit of coaching, and I began to explore options for sharing my story and helping other women gain clarity and purpose.
I began researching the SHE RECOVERS® coach training program. The program had been on my radar for a few years, and I realized my desire and intention to shine my light and share my recovery tools with others. In November 2020, I decided to enter their life coach and recovery coach certification program. I am pleased to reveal that I completed the program in May. I am now a Certified Professional Recovery Coach (CPRC) and Certified Life Coach (CPC) Dual Recovery / Life Coach Training through the International Association of Professional Recovery Coaches, IAPRC.
You may be asking, what about Hive? Hive will remain my full-time career, and we are currently enjoying continued growth and expansion. Mary Beth and the women of Hive also share their part in my recovery journey – growing Hive with MB has been one of the joys of my life, and I look forward to seeing where we go.
Vulnerability is scary, but I hope that in shining my light, others feel encouraged to do the same. Keep shining your light.
